I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
