If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
