Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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