All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
