no, he came in my armpit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
