Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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