I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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