I didn't shave. On purpose
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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