I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
