Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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