Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
