you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
