it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
