Will you blow on my dice?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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