"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
