I wish my penis had an off switch
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
