Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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