nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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