who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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