He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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