he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
