why didn't you poke me back
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
