Well apparently he's into motor boating.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
