im six kinds of drunk right now
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
