Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
