last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
People in love make me want to vomit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
