i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
