Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
