You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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