If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You are a genius and a whore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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