i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
