Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize