the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
