Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
