just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
