last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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