Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
