i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
