Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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