It was confusing and full of hummus
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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