so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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