1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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