I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
