just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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