i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
