i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
