The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
