Got a toothbrush?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
