Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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