Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
