Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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