he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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