Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am naked and annoyed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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