I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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