Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
