When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
