do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
