Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
