i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
