This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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