my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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