I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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