my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
