waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
