I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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