Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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