I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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