I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
